אגרגטור הזנה

Speed and Danger

XKCD - ו', 07/01/2016 - 06:00
NASCAR removed the passenger seats because drivers hated how astronauts kept riding along with them and loudly announcing "Ahh, what a nice and relaxing drive."

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Douchey Life Forms

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - ה', 06/30/2016 - 17:09


Hovertext:
If the universe is fine-tuned for douchey behavior, does that prove that there is a dickish Creator?

New comic!
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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - An accident

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - ד', 06/29/2016 - 16:03


Hovertext:
I think there might've been some possum DNA in there, but that's only conjecture.

New comic!
Today's News:

Hey, Australian geeks!

So... we haven't gotten enough submissions to do BAHFest Sydney by our stated deadline. We've decided to give people another week and a half to submit. It should be a really fun show and we have some amazing guests, but we need a few more clever nerds to put forward some ideas we can help shape into talks. If you know someone who's funny and clever, please give them a nudge!

historicaltimes: Woman turns living room into a balcony in...

הטאמבלר של פישטונה - ד', 06/29/2016 - 14:24


historicaltimes:

Woman turns living room into a balcony in Berlin 1946

via reddit

Keep reading

New Bug

XKCD - ד', 06/29/2016 - 06:00
There's also a unicode-handling bug in the URL request library, and we're storing the passwords unsalted ... so if we salt them with emoji, we can close three issues at once!

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Qualia

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - ב', 06/27/2016 - 17:00


Hovertext:
A mere machine will never truly know the sensation of spraying aerosolized cheese directly into its mouth.

New comic!
Today's News:

Last day to submit for BAHFest Sydney!

Tell Seamless To Leave Your Food And Beverages In The Bucket You Lower To The Sidewalk On A Rope Day!

Girls Are Pretty - ב', 06/27/2016 - 16:44

The delivery guys are used to it. They know when a couple starts fucking, sometimes they get scared to put clothes back on and go back outside because outside is where people make them do stuff like work or have conversations, basically do things other than fuck or lay around grazing each other’s skin with the backs of their fingertips.

You brought this guy into your bedroom like 5 weeks ago and you’re hoping to get at least 4 more weeks of uninterrupted nudity on the books before you rejoin society. To keep from having to even go to the front door to get your food, just use the special delivery instructions field to tell the delivery guys how you want it done: “A bucket will be dangling from a rope outside my building. Please leave the burritos and Jarritos sodas in the bucket, then yank on the rope to ring the bell affixed to it so we know you’ve arrived. If you hear me screaming ‘Holy shit! Holy shit!’ it means we’re still fucking and you’ll need to ring the bell a few more times to be heard over the sound of this dude rocking my shit hard enough to shatter the wood of my futon frame. Please hurry we’re starving and need burritos in order to keep up our current pace.”

Before technology like Seamless, acquiring food and drink was one of the only reasons couples had to interrupt a fuck sesh and interact with non-naked people. Those days are over so stay where you are as long as you need. Though your roommates are starting to complain about the smell so maybe turn on a fan.

Happy Tell Seamless To Leave Your Food And Beverages In The Bucket You Lower To The Sidewalk On A Rope Day!

Local News

XKCD - ב', 06/27/2016 - 06:00
Will there ever be a physics term greater than 'tachyonic antitelephone?' According to this message from the future, the answer is 'no.'

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Zoo Math

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - א', 06/26/2016 - 17:00


Hovertext:
Oh please oh please Lord Gauss let me be the first person to make this joke.

New comic!
Today's News:

Just one day left to send in a proposal for BAHFest Sydney!

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Office Work

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - ש', 06/25/2016 - 18:00


Hovertext:
It's amazing how many trophies your peers got. They must've really been special.

New comic!
Today's News:

 Hey Australia! Only a few days left to submit for BAHFest Sydney!

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Office Work

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - ש', 06/25/2016 - 18:00

Hovertext: It's amazing how many trophies your peers got. They must've really been special.


New comic!
Today's News:

 Hey Australia! Only a few days left to submit for BAHFest Sydney!

עונג שבת: בין דפי הספרים

עונג שבת - ו', 06/24/2016 - 22:47
פעם זה היה שבוע הספר ואז שבוע הספר העברי ואז שבוע הקריאה ואז חודש הקריאה ועכשיו אני לא יודע איך קוראים לזה וכמה זמן זה נמשך ואם זו רק יוזמה מסחרית מבאסת או חגיגה אמיתית לחובבי ספר אז בואו פשוט נקרא לזה חג הספרים ונכיר בזה שאני ביבליופיל ולא יכול להתרחק מספרים. אז כבכל שנה, […]

They're Vacuuming Around You Now Day!

Girls Are Pretty - ו', 06/24/2016 - 20:16

The air conditioning turned off hours ago.

It’s Friday evening and the only employees still in the office are currently sitting on this two-seater lobby couch.

The maintenance guy needs you to lift your feet so he can vacuum under them. You both laugh as you do it, your legs up in the air like you’re on an invisible amusement park ride or like you’re both fucking a ghost. The man pushing the vacuum runs it back and forth eight times, making you keep your legs up in the air long enough that he hopes your abs will give in and you’ll go home to your respective spouses.

Forever.

“You have anything lined up?” you ask him.

“I might take some time off for a bit,” he says. “But I’m bad at time off.”

You nod, staring at his fucking wedding ring.

“If I hear my consulting firm has any spots to fill, I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks,” he says, staring at your fucking wedding ring.

It was six months ago that you got assigned to work alongside him on a data migration, and for the last four you’ve been unable to think of anything but him. You’re pretty sure he feels the same but you’ve never said a word, choosing only to hang on every one of his.

“It’s not fair,” you say.

He looks at you, very interested in what you’ll say next.

“It’s not fair that full time staff gets cut to save money. Soon the workforce will be nothing but us consultants.”

His shoulders fall. He looks away.

“We should stay in touch,” you say, your voice reduced to a whisper. You’re having trouble speaking at an audible pitch, like you know you’re going to say goodbye soon and your voicebox is powering down to prevent you from saying it.

“We should,” he says.

You won’t.

All you’d have to do is say “Let’s go” and you’d be in a hotel room within the half hour but you won’t. This isn’t someone you can be casual about. This is someone you would destroy everything for if you let yourself but you won’t.

The maintenance man is buffing the floors now. 

He says something that you can’t hear. He leans closer to you on the couch and says it again but you still can’t hear.

He yells, “Maybe we should get going.”

You scream, “No!” You scream it loud enough that the maintenance man turns off the buffer to find out what’s wrong. He shoots you an irritated look.

“I’m not fucking leaving this couch,” you tell the maintenance man.

The maintenance man drops the handle of his floor buffer and stomps away.

It’s quiet now. He’s staring at your face from his end of the couch but you look straight ahead. If you turn and look him in the eye, even for a second, you’ll burn your whole life to the ground. So you just sit there next to him and look straight ahead, and you stay there, keeping one eye on the clock to make sure you don’t miss the last MetroNorth train home.

Happy They’re Vacuuming Around You Now Day!

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - A Joke

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - ו', 06/24/2016 - 17:50


Hovertext:
'For a variety of reasons' is a great response to any joke that starts with a question.

New comic!
Today's News:

We set up an event page! All the info is there. If you're attending, please say so :) 

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - A Joke

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - ו', 06/24/2016 - 17:50

Hovertext: 'For a variety of reasons' is a great response to any joke that starts with a question.


New comic!
Today's News:

We set up an event page! All the info is there. If you're attending, please say so :) 

Theft Quadrants

XKCD - ו', 06/24/2016 - 06:00
TinyURL was the most popular link shortener for long enough that it made it into a lot of printed publications. I wonder what year the domain will finally lapse and get picked up by a porn site.

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Math Education

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - ה', 06/23/2016 - 16:55


Hovertext:
Until you teach someone calculus, they can't even walk finite distances. But they can get reallllllly close.

New comic!
Today's News:

Submissions are closing soon! Get your proposal in while there's time! 

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