אם הגעתם לכאן וחיפשתם אתר אחר, אז סבלנות.
אנחנו מטפלים בהכל. לאט לאט.
“Been 13 years mom,” you tell her.
She looks at you and your brothers.
“And you’re all still as ugly as your father,” she says.
Mom’s gone again.
Happy Mom’s Back Day!
Hovertext: Actually, just put my crotch behind that tree from now on.
“I got married,” tell him.
He’ll ask to who.
“Steve something,” say.
You ducked into a bar you’d never been to before to escape the rain. It was already dimly lit and the lights were blinking with the lightning. Steve something was the only other person in the bar.
“It was too romantic to let the opportunity pass,” explain. “The bartender officiated.”
Your uber is outside. Your boyfriend helps you downstairs. You take off your straw hat (you’re honeymooning in Turks and Caicos) and look up at him.
“Is he good to you?” your boyfriend asks.
“Steve something,” he says.
“No idea,” you tell him. “He watched my gimlet while I went to the bathroom.”
“Goddammit!” your boyfriend shouts. “One time I let a vagrant sneak a sip of your drink and you’re gonna hold that over me forever?”
Open the car door.
“Goodbye Dan,” tell him.
“It’s Dave,” your boyfriend will say.
“Dave,” say. “That suits you.”
“It’s been a nice eleven years,” the Dave guy says as your Uber pulls away, taking you to the airport where you’ll fly to the honeymoon suite of Mr. and Mrs. Something.
Happy Tell Your Boyfriend What Happened During The Thunderstorm Day!
Dad’s not coming.
“He is,” you tell your bride as she waits for you to recite the vows you wrote.
He’s not. And the caterer never got the check Dad said he’d give them. Mom’s new husband Rick will have to pay for that.
“I hate Rick,” you tell your brother and Best Man. “I’d rather everyone go hungry than have mom’s Rick pay a dime for my wedding. Just wait, Dad’ll get here.”
The owner of the wedding venue walks up the aisle and pulls you into a non-consensual embrace from which you can’t escape. Her mouth near enough to your ear to send a whisper straight to your spine, she says,
“Kid. We get married when we realize the limits of the family we were born into, and we decide to try and do better by making a family of our own. You reached the limit of how much a man can shuffle his feet. That girl there in the white, you make her wait a second longer and you’ll give her something to wonder about for the rest of your lives together. Give up on your Pa or I’m calling this wedding a no-go right now. I won’t allow a marriage to start like this. Not under my gazebo.”
She releases you and you take this woman as your lawfully wedded wife while your father dances with a prostitute in a motel off the highway, the money for the caterer now cocaine.
Happy Give Up On Dad Day!
Hovertext: This comic is an allegory for, of course, the 1896 presidential elections.
חי במסגרת הפרינג'פסט הבאר שבעי
יש אפשרות כם לבוא להופעה בודדת
Hovertext: Psychologist: OOH! A significant sample size!
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Hovertext: I await your hatemail.