אגרגטור הזנה

2192 - צוק איתן (יום 15) אני עייף

אבא קריר ביוטיוב - ג', 07/22/2014 - 18:52
2192 - צוק איתן (יום 15) אני עייף
מבצע צוק איתן, המלחמה של צה"ל בחמאס ברצועת עזה From: abakarir Views: 1329 39 ratings Time: 04:21 More in Entertainment

Pam Can’t Drink Day!

Girls Are Pretty - ג', 07/22/2014 - 16:00

You ended it with Pam because she can’t drink.

“It’s because I have to take all this medication for anxiety,” she said. “Alcohol contraindicates.”

That’s all well and good but you told Pam from the get-go that she better be able to keep up with you or you’d be hightailing it to someone who could. Someone like Martha.

“Let’s get started,” Martha likes to say at around 4:30 PM when she pulls the top from the bottle of gin. “Don’t dawdle.”

Martha drinks way better than Pam, and the two of you have a lot of fun getting plastered each night and then spending the next morning helping each other piece together why you have so many bruises on your bodies. But you can’t get over the feeling that maybe you should have found some way to make it work with Pam. No matter how well you and Martha drink together, she’s no Pam.

“Why are you Googling herbal remedies for anxiety?” Martha asks one drunken night after going through your search history. “It’s that Pam, isn’t it? You’re looking for a way to get her to take different meds so she can drink with you.”

You try to lie but Martha’s too blitzed to listen. She throws your laptop at your head, knocking you unconscious. Martha runs to your aid but she slips and cracks her head open on the floor. 

When you wake up, the police are hovering over you, having been called by the neighbors. With Martha dead and signs of a domestic dispute all over the apartment, no one buys that Martha did all the disputing. You’re jailed for manslaughter, sentenced to six years of longing for the one that got away because you never thought to convince her to try herbal anxiety remedies that wouldn’t have been contraindicated by alcohol. 

Happy Pam Can’t Drink Day!

הגיפים שמתארים את חיינו

טק-סלאט - ג', 07/22/2014 - 12:22
החיים שלנו יכולים להיות מתוארים על ידי מספר תמונות מונפשות שונות. הנה כמה.

קורות חיים מגניבים – עבודות נדירות ומיוחדות

טק-סלאט - ג', 07/22/2014 - 09:36
יש כמה אנשים שיש להם עבודות מוזרות במיוחד. הייתם רוצים לעבוד במשהו כזה?

July 22, 2014

SMBC - ג', 07/22/2014 - 06:00

Did you miss the big kickstarter? Do you still want a book or print? For a little while, we're making them available.

2191 - אבא קריר אוכל דוריטוס

אבא קריר ביוטיוב - ב', 07/21/2014 - 19:43
2191 - אבא קריר אוכל דוריטוס
תיעוד מדהים של אבא קריר בעת אכילת דוריטוס!!! From: abakarir Views: 1929 42 ratings Time: 07:22 More in Entertainment

עכשיו גם אתם יכולים להיות כוכבי פורנו!

טק-סלאט - ב', 07/21/2014 - 18:53
האם ריאליטי על כוכבי פורנו יצליח? ומה אם הוא היה בארץ?

You Know Anyone Your Mom Might Hit It Off With Day!

Girls Are Pretty - ב', 07/21/2014 - 16:00

Your mom writes love songs but her career’s been in a slump ever since she fell out of love with your dad. House payments need to be made and you’re going to have to go to college somehow.

“Any of those teachers at your school single?” your dad asks you. “Anyone you think your mom might hit it off with?”

You tell your dad you don’t feel comfortable being put in this position. That you think your mom should cheat on him of her own volition, that it should happen naturally.

“Yeah, yeah,” your dad says. “But love sometimes needs a nudge. She wrote dozens of songs about me, but I ain’t doing it for her anymore, and they’re about to cut off our electric.”

On Parent-Teacher night you make sure to introduce your mom to your social studies teacher, Mr. Lawson.

“You two both enjoy things,” you say to them, trying to get some kind of connection to happen. 

“Hello,” Mr. Lawson says.

“I hope I never hear you say goodbye,” your mom says. Then she rifles through her bag for a notebook.

Meanwhile, your dad is at home sitting on the back step of the house, staring at a tree he and your mom planted when they first moved in. That tree never stopped growing. Maybe if he tends to his marriage the way he did that tree, your mom will find it in her heart to love him again. He makes a silent promise to try as soon as she gets home, not knowing it’s already too late. She’s found a new song.

Happy You Know Anyone Your Mom Might Hit It Off With Day!

מכשיר חדש מתגמל נשים על חיזוק רצפת האגן ברטט. רגע, מה?

טק-סלאט - ב', 07/21/2014 - 15:32
מכשיר חדש מודד את התקדמות שריר הנרתיק, ומתגמל אותנו ברטט. אני לא בטוחה מה אני חושבת על זה.

2190 - פויה חמאס

אבא קריר ביוטיוב - ב', 07/21/2014 - 13:05
2190 - פויה חמאס
אתם רעים From: abakarir Views: 2293 56 ratings Time: 00:24 More in Entertainment

July 21, 2014

SMBC - ב', 07/21/2014 - 06:00

Luke

XKCD - ב', 07/21/2014 - 06:00
Don't turn it on.

True Romance Day!

Girls Are Pretty - א', 07/20/2014 - 18:27

DEPARTURE

You ask to be excused from the table and your dad grunts so you head upstairs where your duffle bag is packed and you flash your flashlight three times out the window. He responds with three flashes from a flashlight of his own.

JOURNEY

You board the bus and you kiss for three hundred miles until someone complains to the driver who comes back to ask the two of you to stop kissing. You hold off for fifteen miles before the other passengers complain that your kisses were the only thing keeping them going on this bus ride. 

“It’s nice to be around people who are hopeful!” a man with an open face wound shouts.

“The sound of their lips keeps me from hearing the echoes if what my sister said to me when we last saw each other in ’83,” a lady trying to pick the lock on a handcuff concurs.

“Lift the ban!” the other passengers shout. “Lift the ban!”

“Fine.” The bus driver buckles. “Ban lifted.” So you kiss for the next 1100 miles and everyone on the bus is grateful.

EXCITEMENT

Ten miles from your destination you pull out your guns and rob everyone on the bus. Someone tries to be a hero so you shoot him in the heart.

MALAISE

Hiding up in the mountains wears on you after twenty-six months. You try to remember the day you met, just another gray November day of senior year turned suddenly to the brightest springtime morn when you saw his face.

“He’s a transfer,” your best friend whispered into your ear when she spotted you drooling.

But a cold mountain wind blows and the memory scatters with the gust. He comes back to the cabin with not enough meat. You can feel the baby kick.

JOY

The three of you head down the other side of the mountain, to a valley town in a whole other state and no one looks at you twice when you enroll to get your GED. You’ll make a life for your baby, a better one than you made for yourself.

STRIFE 

You’re driving home from school when you spot the flashing lights of three squad cars forming a roadblock at the end of your street. You stop in time to see him run down in the middle of the road, pinned to the concrete with the knees of police. They lift him up and you think he can see you. The rest of your life you’ll hope he could see the two of you, that he could see you mouth the word “goodbye.”

MEMORY

You tuck her in and you pretend you’re reading a storybook as you tell her the tale of the boy and the girl who ran off to find out what their love might do to the world. And when she asks if it did anything bad you say yes. And when she asks if it did anything good you kiss her on the forehead and you say yes.

Happy True Romance Day!

2189 - צוק איתן (יום 13) איך להרוויח כסף בלי לעבוד

אבא קריר ביוטיוב - א', 07/20/2014 - 17:26
2189 - צוק איתן (יום 13) איך להרוויח כסף בלי לעבוד
זכרו מי הציע לכם את הרעיון איך להרוויח כסף בלי לעבוד... From: abakarir Views: 1131 36 ratings Time: 06:06 More in Entertainment

לשבור את תבניות המגדר

טק-סלאט - א', 07/20/2014 - 17:15
רגע אחד זעמתי מכעס, כי כולם השתמשו במינוחים הלא נכונים בעיני. ורגע אחרי, הבנתי משהו, איך פתאום שוב, כל עולם המונחים שלי התערער מחדש.

מדפי צביעה לטאבלטים בגיל 7

טק-סלאט - א', 07/20/2014 - 13:10
הילדים של פעם ציירו על נייר עם עפרון וצבעו בגואש. הילדים של היום חושבים על טאבלט ברגע שהם שומעים על ציורים. עד כמה נכון, אם בכלל, לתת להם טאבלטים או סמארטפונים?

July 20, 2014

SMBC - א', 07/20/2014 - 06:00

Whee!

2188 - צוק איתן (יום 12) אנשים יוצאים לבלות במרכז

אבא קריר ביוטיוב - ש', 07/19/2014 - 19:04
2188 - צוק איתן (יום 12) אנשים יוצאים לבלות במרכז
למרות המלחמה אנשים מבלים בסינמה סיטי From: abakarir Views: 991 25 ratings Time: 06:39 More in Entertainment

July 19, 2014

SMBC - ש', 07/19/2014 - 06:00

2187 - צוק איתן (יום 11) אני נוסע לחברים

אבא קריר ביוטיוב - ו', 07/18/2014 - 15:39
2187 - צוק איתן (יום 11) אני נוסע לחברים
מאחל לחיילי צה"ל שפועלים בעזה: שימרו על עצמכם, ותהרגו מלא מחבלים! From: abakarir Views: 1092 28 ratings Time: 04:44 More in Entertainment
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