אם הגעתם לכאן וחיפשתם אתר אחר, אז סבלנות.
אנחנו מטפלים בהכל. לאט לאט.
You’re in jail and you’re feeling like you and your fellow inmates never talk.
“I see you guys every day but I feel like we barely know a thing about each other,” you tell the five inmates with whom you’re crowded into a two-person cell.
“What you wanna know?” Scary Ralph, one of the inmates asks.
“Well, what are your interests?”
Scary Ralph says he’s interested in setting fire to Crazy Murray, who distributes books for the library.
“He was using the bench in the yard,” he says. “That’s our yard.”
You start to say that you’d rather know about his deeper interests, like what really makes him tick, but just then you hear the squeaky wheels of the library cart. Before you know it, Scary Ralph has sprayed Crazy Murray with something flammable and tossed a match. You know then there’s not going to be any conversation had today, not with Crazy Murray running around screaming in agony like he does. Can’t even hear yourself think.
Happy Making Conversation In Jail Day!
the first gif shows one full year of full moons between may 2005 and april 2006. its size at perigee (when nearest to us) and apogee (farthest from us) differs by more than 10%. the wobble, due to the moon’s elliptical orbit and slight axial tilt and inclination, is know as lunar libration. (this is not to be confused with lunar libation, which is fancy speak for moonshine.) the second gif shows the moon’s phase and libration during october of 2007.
You found an old lantern in the woods and you rubbed it and a genie popped out and granted you two wishes.
“Just to test this out, I wish that Kansas was gone.”
The genie says cool, then you check your phone and find CNN reporting that Kansas is gone and everyone there is presumed dead. Everyone in the country’s sad now.
“Aw man, okay bring Kansas back.”
The genie says cool then disappears. You check your phone and find out they found Kansas and everyone’s fine. Way to waste two wishes, dumbass.
Happy Two Wishes Day!
מי שרוכב מודע לזה שרוכבים אחרים עשויים "לכופף את האמת" בנוגע לרכיבה הבאה. המילון המלא - כאן.
1793 - איזי - לשבור את החומות (פרודיה) לשכב עם עקומות
השיר המקורי של איזי: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhW21RjBGtY From: abakarir Views: 541 41 ratings Time: 01:33 More in Entertainment
You and your friends are megawealthy and you all were flying in a private jet when you crashed into a mountain. Your buddy Sam died in the crash and now you’re all eating him.
“Sam’s gross,” your buddy Martin says while chewing some of Sam’s thigh meat.
“Ew, I hate Sam,” your buddy Leo says, attempting to swallow a hunk of Sam’s ass.
“I personally will refrain from criticizing how Sam tastes, and instead sit in thanks to him for the meat he is providing us,” you say. “You’re saving our lives Sam. Thank you.”
That makes everyone feel bad, until you take a bite of Sam’s calf and you throw up all over the fire. With the fire out, you’re all gonna die out there.
Happy Sam’s Gross Day!
מה הקשר בין מיקרוסופט, חזיות ואכילה רגשית?
אבל הייתי שם, בבארבי, כששרתם לנו "We'll never leave", ושרנו איתכם בחזרה, "We can't be beat". והנה, The Walkmen נכנעו. החל מסוף השבוע שעבר, הם יוצאים להפסקה עד הודעה חדשה, כלומר מתפרקים. האדמה לא תרעד. הם בסך הכל הווקמן, לא קולדפליי, לא ארקייד פייר. המגזינים לא ישמרו שער, (רובם הגדול של) האתרים לא ירוצו לכתוב […]
“Dogs that misbehave just want attention,” is what you tell your clients. “I don’t give it to them.”
Today you’re working with Felix, a terrier mix that won’t stop yapping day and night, and loves to tear up the couch cushions.
“Give me seventy-five days,” you tell his owners. “That’s all I need.”
They pay you your twenty thousand dollar fee and you spend the next seventy-five days living in their home with Felix (they’re required to find lodging elsewhere) and ignoring him.
No matter how much he barks, no matter how many items in the house he destroys, you won’t even look in Felix’s direction. By the seventy-fifth day, when the owners come home, they’ll find Felix sitting despondently in the corner, wondering why he doesn’t matter to anybody, wondering if he even exists. When the owners pet Felix, he’ll have trouble registering the affection. He won’t be able to understand that there are other beings in the room with him and that they know he is there. That’s the power you have over dogs.
“You did it!” they’ll shout, before looking around the house and seeing what a shambles Felix made of it. “Guess it was worth it.”
“Your dog should be existentially terrorized enough to behave now,” you tell them while bagging up everything in the fridge (you never leave food behind).
“Thank you, Dog Ignorer!” they’ll shout as you climb into your car to go home to your cats.
Happy The Dog Ignorer Day!
יוזמה מקסימה לרגל היום הבינלאומי לזכויות אנשים עם מוגבלויות מראה לנו שיופי מגיע במגוון מידות ומבנים, ושלהיות יפה לא אומר להיות "מושלם"
The guy you’re cheating on your husband with climbed out onto your balcony to hide while you and your husband make love. Your husband came home from his trip unexpectedly so you shoved your secret lover out there. Whether you’re pretending or not, he really can’t stand listening to you pant and squeal ecstatically while your husband takes you on your bedroom floor.
To get away from the sound, he’s climbing down from the balcony. He’s going to try and scale the building, balcony to balcony, until he descends the eleven floors to the bottom.
“To what do I owe this honor?” your downstairs neighbor asks him as he dangles down over her outdoor furniture.
“Long story,” he says to her. She’s in a bathrobe and nothing else.
“I’ve got a long morning ahead of me,” she says. “Tea?”
It starts with tea, then it moves inside for breakfast, then a drink on the couch, then to the bed. He doesn’t leave her apartment for three days. He doesn’t respond to your texts apologizing. You don’t hear from him for weeks.
When you and your husband board the elevator one day and he and your downstairs neighbor are on it, holding hands, you and he exchange one brief glance and nothing more. That’s when you’ll learn where he went off to after he went out on your balcony and disappeared.
Happy On Your Balcony Day!