אם הגעתם לכאן וחיפשתם אתר אחר, אז סבלנות.
אנחנו מטפלים בהכל. לאט לאט.
Today at the open house, you think you’ve found the perfect place. Beautiful yard, great kitchen, and lots of storage space. You’re pretty sure you’re going to take it until you notice the photos on the tables are all photos of you, surrounded by a husband and two kids you’ve never met before.
“Is this some kind of prank?” you ask.
The realtor looks more closely at the photos.
“Oh, this happens sometimes,” she says.
“What does?” you ask.
The realtor explains that some houses skip ahead.
“The house knows what your life is going to be, who you’re going to marry, what kind of family you’re going to raise here,” she says. “It knows so well that it thinks you’ve already lived here.”
“Lived?” you ask.
“Well, it’s up for sale. So you’re selling it. One day.”
You ask the realtor if you’re going to get a good price. She says she doubts it. You seem to want to sell in a hurry. Things aren’t going so well with your husband.
“I’m not even dating anybody,” you say. “How is it the house thinks I’ve been living here with a husband and kids, and I’m already moving on to a new chapter in my life?”
The realtor says she can’t answer that, but you should get a move on before the house realizes you’re there before you’ve ever been there. Just then the house starts screaming.
Happy Open House Day!
Say to him over the loud grinding of the gears, “Even if we die right now, I really had a good time with you tonight.”
He’ll say, “Yeah. Though the wild turn of events over the course of the evening lead to us being stuck here, about to be turned into nothing but splotches of liquefied organs, this was the best date I ever had.”
You kiss for the first time. It’s such a powerful kiss, you both suddenly know that this isn’t how it can end. Something so right can’t reach such a premature and gross conclusion. This could be the love of both your lives. That kiss proved it. And that kiss gives you the strength to try and get out of this to see where this love takes you.
“We have to try!” you shout.
“I agree,” he says. “We can’t just—“
Some of the garbage gives way underneath him and he’s dragged under the compactor wall. You mourn the love of your life for a few endless seconds before the walls close in and take away the pain of your loss.
Happy End Your First Date About To Be Crushed To Death In A Trash Compactor Day!
סרטון וידאו מושקע ומרשים שבו חבורה של מומחי פארקור מבצעת סצנות אקשן בהשראת המשחק Assassin's Creed . הסרטון מתרחש על רקע רחובות וגגות (!) העיר פריז (מומלץ לחכות ולצפות בקטע של הריצה על הגגות.. סימפטי ביותר..) אה וחשוב להגיד.. אל תנסו את זה לבד בבית! הסרטון הופק על ידי אנשי מקצוע…
You’re 70 and your friend Alice was 70 when she died and you used to be best pals. You showed up wondering what happened to you two, then you find out when her family tells you they don’t want you to speak at the funeral because they felt like she put more value in her friendship with you than in her relationship with her husband and kids.
“That why she moved away and stopped taking my calls?” you ask her daughters.
They nod. “We told our mom that unless she cut ties with you we would stop loving her. We told her she had to sacrifice a cherished friendship in order to keep us as daughters.”
“You’re shitty daughters,” you tell them.
They shrug. “Deal with it. You’re not speaking at that funeral.”
You keep quiet at the service but at the burial a plane flies by with a banner tailing behind it that reads, “Alice is dead, and she loved her best friend more than her own horrible kids. I loved you back just as much, Alice. Sorry your kids sucked. Sorry and Goodbye. Catch Jason Mraz at Foxwoods Thur-Mon.”
You got a discount by tacking on an ad that the pilot already got paid to run. Doesn’t matter, the kids are looking up at the sky and crying as you walk away from Alice’s grave, knowing full well you had a friend for life.
Happy Your Old Friend Alice’s Funeral Day!
איימי מנסה מאכלים מכל העולם ומתארת את החוויה בערוץ שלה ביוטיוב. בסירטון הזה – חבר ישראלי הביא לה כל מיני מאכלים וחטיפים מישראל… חביב ומשעשע ..ועוד יותר משעשע שיש בסרטון הרבה חטיפים או גרסאות של מאכלים שאני לא מכיר..
מאז הסרטון הראשון איימי פירסמה עוד שלושה (!) פרקים חדשים שבהם היא מנסה חטיפים ישראליים נוספים. בסרטונים החדשים יש יותר ויותר חטיפים מוכרים שנישלחו מישראל… הנה הם:
You ended it with Pam because she can’t drink.
“It’s because I have to take all this medication for anxiety,” she said. “Alcohol contraindicates.”
That’s all well and good but you told Pam from the get-go that she better be able to keep up with you or you’d be hightailing it to someone who could. Someone like Martha.
“Let’s get started,” Martha likes to say at around 4:30 PM when she pulls the top from the bottle of gin. “Don’t dawdle.”
Martha drinks way better than Pam, and the two of you have a lot of fun getting plastered each night and then spending the next morning helping each other piece together why you have so many bruises on your bodies. But you can’t get over the feeling that maybe you should have found some way to make it work with Pam. No matter how well you and Martha drink together, she’s no Pam.
“Why are you Googling herbal remedies for anxiety?” Martha asks one drunken night after going through your search history. “It’s that Pam, isn’t it? You’re looking for a way to get her to take different meds so she can drink with you.”
You try to lie but Martha’s too blitzed to listen. She throws your laptop at your head, knocking you unconscious. Martha runs to your aid but she slips and cracks her head open on the floor.
When you wake up, the police are hovering over you, having been called by the neighbors. With Martha dead and signs of a domestic dispute all over the apartment, no one buys that Martha did all the disputing. You’re jailed for manslaughter, sentenced to six years of longing for the one that got away because you never thought to convince her to try herbal anxiety remedies that wouldn’t have been contraindicated by alcohol.
Happy Pam Can’t Drink Day!
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