אם הגעתם לכאן וחיפשתם אתר אחר, אז סבלנות.
אנחנו מטפלים בהכל. לאט לאט.
The guy you’re cheating on your husband with climbed out onto your balcony to hide while you and your husband make love. Your husband came home from his trip unexpectedly so you shoved your secret lover out there. Whether you’re pretending or not, he really can’t stand listening to you pant and squeal ecstatically while your husband takes you on your bedroom floor.
To get away from the sound, he’s climbing down from the balcony. He’s going to try and scale the building, balcony to balcony, until he descends the eleven floors to the bottom.
“To what do I owe this honor?” your downstairs neighbor asks him as he dangles down over her outdoor furniture.
“Long story,” he says to her. She’s in a bathrobe and nothing else.
“I’ve got a long morning ahead of me,” she says. “Tea?”
It starts with tea, then it moves inside for breakfast, then a drink on the couch, then to the bed. He doesn’t leave her apartment for three days. He doesn’t respond to your texts apologizing. You don’t hear from him for weeks.
When you and your husband board the elevator one day and he and your downstairs neighbor are on it, holding hands, you and he exchange one brief glance and nothing more. That’s when you’ll learn where he went off to after he went out on your balcony and disappeared.
Happy On Your Balcony Day!
שונאים את הבוס? עכשיו תוכלו להדפיס את התמונה שלו על מרשמלו ולנשוך לו את הראש!
“I know what that means,” your young son says when he spies you rubbing lotion into your hands and arms before bed. “You and Dad are no longer sexually interested in each other.”
You ask him what makes him think that.
“You’re rubbing lotion into your arms,” he says. “On TV and in the movies, when it’s a couple that’s still way into each other, the woman doesn’t rub lotion into her arms before bed. They just have sex a bunch and bounce each other around on their genitals until they pass out. It’s only when the couple is older and disinterested that the woman rubs lotion into her arms.”
Your husband comes out of the bathroom.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
“Nothing,” you say. You shoe your son away from the room, then you throw the lotion in the trash. You’re worried by what your son said. Have you two lost interest in each other? Does lotion indicate that the passion is gone and you’re just doing what you can to stave off death?
You vow then and there to never use lotion again. Your sex life doesn’t improve and your arms grow chapped. You should never listen to your kids.
Happy Lotion Suggests Day!
אלוהים ישמור איזה מזל, זו המחשבה שרצה אצלי בראש בימים האחרונים. איזה מזל שבתקופה שלי, בתקופה שאני הייתי תלמידה לא הייה פייסבוק. איזה מזל שלא היו טלפונים חכמים. איזה מזל שבתקופה שאני הייתי בת 13 לא הייתי צריכה לעמוד בסטנדרטים של טיפוח נשי כמו שיש היום. ממה כבר הייתי צריכה לסבול? שלא הזמינו אותי […]
למה הארון של אילנה מפוצץ בבגדי מעצבים בגרושים ואיך זה תורם לקהילה
The scary new teenage trend is for teens to get together and throw a Murder Party. Kids meet up and prove how cool they are by murdering each other. It’s considered cool to be all, “Pssh, who cares about human life? I only like my phone.” And on the flip side, “Pssh, I don’t care if I get murdered. It’s like, whatevs. Hashtag.”
You sat your daughter down and asked her if any peers have been pressuring her to kill or be killed. She said she’s more into the scene where high school kids record each other performing oral sex and post it online, so you can rest easy. Your little girl isn’t falling into the wrong crowd.
Happy Murder Party Day!
Your office has started a Show & Tell Day to help employees get to know each other. Each employee brings something from their home and tells everyone a little bit about it.
“These are my father’s ashes,” Diane in accounting says while holding an urn. “They are very important to me because I didn’t talk to him for the last few years of his life, and I regret it.”
“That’s my Acura out there,” Mark in sales says, pointing out the window at his car in the parking lot. “Sometimes when I go home from work I’ll park down the block from my house and just sit there in my Acura, wondering if I should go home and have dinner with my wife and kids, or just make a U-turn and hit the road.”
“This is part of a collage I’m making of all of us,” you tell everyone, holding a small (6 feet by 7 feet) section of your coworker collage. “As you can see, I’ve been taking photos of all of you at your desks when you weren’t looking, and at your homes on the weekends. I’ve been keeping a document of our time together. It’s pretty much covering all the walls of my garage.”
After you’re fired, go home and set fire to the collage while sitting in the middle of the garage floor. The flames will climb to the ceiling, but the smoke will take you before the roof caves in.
Happy Office Show & Tell Day!
אם ההזדמנות לברוח מהכלא צצה משום מקום, לא תנצלו אותה?
# tlv #streetart #florentin #קורדוברו
חתולים הם דיוות והטאמבלר הזה הוא רק דוגמה
Gulpo is coming...